This is a question I often ask of others, in my head.
Where the fuck are your manners?!
I was raised to be nice, polite and courteous. I think this was instilled to me early on by my mom and in school. I think when I was old enough, that my mom told me ‘lumaban ka kung kailangan’. But before that phase, I think I was very nice. I think I am still very nice now – I smile a lot and am very friendly, I’m sure you’ll all agree. I feel I’m very diplomatic and I can handle myself pretty well.
I don’t know if I’ve written about this in the past, but since I used to handle answering messages online for our carpet business’ FB messenger, I have come across SO MANY MANY types of message ranging from nice, stupid to rude, and entitled. I have seen them them all, I think! I have secretly judged so many customers of ours by the way they transact with us.
There are those simple, and meek customers that you’ll discover to be multi millionaires. There also some who demand so much, but are very cheap. There are some customers who feel so entitled and belittle my staff just because they’re rich. There were those nouveau rich that don’t have breeding. There are so many kinds of people talaga. I remember this Uber driver that once picked me up and brought me to an event. When he called, I hurried out to the street to meet him. He was surprised and apologized for not picking me up at the entrance or lobby ata yun. I then asked him, why he thought he needed to apologize, kasi daw he has some riders na would ask him to pick them up in from of the door. He shared, there was one time daw that he accepted a booking, it was in a small alley – so he called the person he was supposed to pick up. He clarified with that person if he was on the right street because it was a very tiny street with vendors on both sides. He also asked if the person can come out nalang since the street was quite busy. This person got mad at him and told him to move through the crowd! He eventually got to the ‘pick up point’ he said it was a squatter area, and that the person was living inside the squatters but was dressed to the nines. While inside the car, the now passenger was giving him an earful, na dapat daw sinugod yung street, na dapat daw the car SHOULD be waiting for him and not the other way around. Kaya the driver learned then on to pick up passengers right at the doorstep. He then said ‘Kung sino pa po yung mas hirap sa buhay, sila pa po yung mas mayabang’. I then told him, hindi naman siguro lahat – but he said, he’s picked up so many passengers from all walks of life and those who were a bit capabale financially, sila pa raw yung mas mapakumbaba and apologetic.
That made me realize how important education and upbringing is to a person. You can say a LOT of how a person is by seeing how that person treats other people. This is so true!! I believe it’s true because how you deal with people reflects the values that you were taught.
Take for example, with helpers. I grew up seeing my mom and my ama treat helpers differently. My ama was nice, when everything was in order – but when she gets upset, well – all hell breaks loose! I remember my uncles and aunt would whisk us away when my ama would be mad at the help. I remember hearing expletives and it was really scary because I’d see the helpers in tears. I wondered about that when I was younger. It was then that my mom explained that when my ama was mad – it will unleash her dirty mouth. My mom wasn’t like that. As long as the helpers did their best and did evrything well, everything was okay. But she would also have bout of shouts, but they’re all justifiable. I think an issue in our household was that when they older maids would get jealous with the younger maids and they’d fight. My mom would also shout, but it wasn’t bad, it was understandable.
When I had to take care of my own household, I promised myself that I would handle things better. And I think I have been successful so far. I think I’ve lost my cool a few times, but I never went as far as shouting and saying expletives – simply because I wasn’t raised that way. I was taught in ICA to treat others as respectfully as I can and to be nice to others. It’s just but right because we are all human beings.
So what is the point of this goody goody post? Well, you see – I received a message in my candishhhbakes FB page. This person was inquiring on my products, so I sent a menu. This person also messaged that she was selling Meijing products and crabs sotanghon. I honestly didn’t know if she was trying to get a sale from me or what, but gave it a thought and decided that if she did push through with an order, I would also order from her, as a courtesy. Then yesterday, she decided to place an order with a message that says ‘GUARANTEE MO MASARAP’
Those words didn’t sit well with me. First because, I never forced this person to order. I then replied saying I found that phrase ‘funny’ she then proceeded to say that it was her first time to order. That struck me as odd. I mean, I would NEVER say that to a food purveyor, simply because I would think it’s just respectful not to say it. She also sells food, diba? But I put it aside. And then she reminded me of my promo. I only have ONE promo, the buy 3 get 1 free. I don’t know but it got me iffy talaga that she had the gall to remind me. It was as if she was suspicious of me, ME!!
She then proceeded to ‘lecture’ me to accept criticisms to which I felt that she thought I was younger than her. I then wrote back – carefully using words that were nice to prove a point because I have always believed that no matter how negative the message is, if you word it properly with the correct tone – it will come across as polite and nice. As they say, it’s all in the manner how you say it – the approach is always important.
But she said that she was just being frank, honest, and tactless – and that if I got offended and we don’t even know one another. I NEVER KNEW THAT IT WAS ACCEPTABLE TO offend people you don’t know. Isn’t it the opposite? that we should be nicer to people we don’t know?
In my head I was already seeing big bold letter WHERE ARE HER MANNERS??!!
A lot of people now are rude, rude because they feel that they their truths even if offensive is acceptable. NO IT’S NOT AND WILL NEVER BE ACCEPTABLE! There’s still a difference with being rude and being honest without being offensive. In our current society, truths can be twisted for anyone’s benefit as long as they gain something from it.
It’s sad really. Sad.
If you can’t be nice, be quiet. I hope people remember things. We can be honest and rank without being rude and offensive. Being truthful and honest is not being rude and impolite, it’s being able to use words carefully to convey your message. Ako nga, I always think of synonyms of words that I feel are not nice to hear, just to soften the blow.
School public and private should really put emphasis on GOOD MANNERS AND RIGHT CONDUCT. This is super important. We don’t want a society filled with rude people.
It’s just sad!