I am one who is not very sensitive on the length of hair because I just tie them in a ponytail. You can count with your fingers the number of times I’ve had my hair down. I simply don’t like my hair on my face. I wish I can pull off the pixie cut, unfortunately – my face is very round, so – well, it won’t look as ‘pretty’ on me. Before the lockdown happened, my Panget and the kids had their hairs cut. I remember when I used to sport the pixie cut, that I would go to the salon EVERY month to have my ‘cut’ maintained properly. So I know that for those sporting shorter hair – well, they know the different two to three weeks make to their hair. But since we’re all on #EnhancedCommunityQuarantine there are no salons nor barber shops that are open for service. So what is the solution? Do the haircut ourselves! If you ask me, I wouldn’t really dare because, IT’S EFFING HAIR! Your hair is something personal to you, it’s not some random thing that you will have a stranger do. You ONLY go to your trusted hair stylist of barber. Bottom line, it’s really a trust issue between you and the person that cuts your hair. My Panget has been floating the idea of having me cut his hair. I have dismissed it ALWAYS when he brings it up. I tell you, I will NOT do it. I really won’t! I’m honestly scared of the repercussions. What if it’s so ugly? What if I make a mistake? So many what if’s really. But then my Panget was able to borrow a clipper. And it was there. We first tried Connor’s hair – and it wasn’t so bad. It was a team effort really. What I didn’t know was what was in store for me, while I cut my Panget’s hair. He sat down. Put a towel around his neck and just told me – just it cut, make it shorter, I don’t mind. But I mind. I was looking at his hair – and just looking at it, with the clipper on my right hand. And for the first time in my life (since this quarantine), I didn’t know how to start and what to do. It took me minutes before I got started. My Panget I felt was getting impatient because nothing was happening. I had so many voices in my head saying to do this, do that, clip this, clip that, start there – no start here. My thoughts were a mess, I had no one game plan. AND I HATED THAT FEELING. This is one task that you don’t go into battle without a game plan. But I didn’t have one. I was looking at the clipper, I was looking at my Panget’s head of hair, I was visualizing that should be done, and I was scared. It was a roller coaster of emotions and I stood there, frozen for a while. My kids were looking at me wonder why I was standing still. My Panget looking up to me saying ‘Bakit di ka pa naguumpisa?’ And then I did. I clipped and nipped – I started with the hair on the back of his head. I kept swapping the clipper number. I didn’t know what to do! No amount of youtube videos can explain what was going through my head. What should have been an ‘easy’ task – was one of the hardest things for me to do. It took quite a while for me to get done. I kept asking my Panget to look in the mirror to see if I cut his hair correctly. He always came back to the chair saying ‘bawasan mo pa’. I swear, it’s NOT easy to just ‘bawasan mo pa’ in my head was a voice screaming ‘ANO PA ANG IBABAWAS KO?! ANG IKSI NA!’ I felt pressured, very very pressured. I was nervous, I was shaky, I was scared. I didn’t know what to do. But I pushed and did it anyway. When my Panget finally said, it was okay – I sat down, did one deep breath and I started to cry. Tears just fell and I was crying. I just sat there and cried quietly. My kids were confused! I didn’t know that cutting someone else’s hair was emotionally draining. I can’t explain it, but it just was! It was something that I didn’t expect to bring out such a heavy emotion. It took out so much energy from me – and to think I just spent an hour on it. My Panget was quite happy with the outcome, he thanked me for cutting his hair. I got hugs from my kids but the heavy feeling was still there. I swear, it was an emotional journey – something I can’t explain.