DISCLAIMER: Guys, I’m okay. Hahaha!! I’m just sharing my thoughts. I received a lot of messages (thank you to everyone who messaged me, it’s so comforting to know you are there for me. I appreciate it very ver much! Thank you for reaching out!) asking me if I’m okay and if they can do anything to help. I realized that my post may have sounded sad, I guess – but I’m not sad. Haha.. I’m doing okay – it’s just that there are some issues that frustrate me. I really appreciate your concern. Thank you! Thank you!! I have so many things I want to share, but as you may know I recently gave birth. It’s quite a challenge to manage having three kids (two of which are in big school) and a household. The quiet time I have at night is now used to sleep since I still feed at least twice every night. When I was about to give birth, I must admit, I wasn’t ready. I was all over the place a month before giving birth, trying my best to balance everything. I hadn’t found additional help for the house (and baby) I was still bringing my children to school every morning, picking up Connor mid morning and still going to the office. I was experiencing little discomforts here and there but it was nothing I couldn’t manage. People who know me can attest to this. If I still can function – go lang ng go. It was only when I was asked to slow down by the OB a few weeks before giving birth that I realized what I was doing to myself. Not that I’m complaining – but while resting I realized what kind of *work* I was doing to myself. I was able to rest more physically, but emotionally – I was a bit more stressed. I found a helper, but realized that she was not in the right mindset. I had to close one eye shut with her shortcomings because I needed the extra pair of hands. When I gave birth, it was a bit chaotic. That story would entail a separate post here. Haha! I had no one to stay with me in the hospital at night. My Panget had to stay at home because there was no one to watch after the kids at night. In the end, we decided to hire a midwife at night to help me rest. I gave birth via CS and since it was the hospital’s policy to room-in, I was sure that I won’t be able to do everything baby related by myself. It was such a good decision because I was able to rest a bit. I knew I was in good hands while the midwife was there. She would assist me (feed me and serve my needs), wake me up when the baby needed feeding – we had to follow the every 3 hours feeding time. She was a huge help. (Message me if you need her service, I highly recommend her!) When I got home – it was a different set up. My trusted Pedia ordered us not to put the kids all in the same room – because the older kids are in big school, that meant that the baby would be exposed to whatever virus the older kids had. So we had the baby in our room. Confession, the older kids when they were babies never slept with us – they slept in their room and the Yaya would knock on my door when it was time to feed. This was a whole new different experience altogether. We honestly didn’t know how it would be having the baby with us the whole time. The first night with the baby was surprisingly smooth. Shobe, who we named Parker is such a good baby. She would just sleep and cry a bit when she’s hungry or when her nappy is full. I needed to be alert and feed her every 3 hours (the pedia and the midwife recommended this) and so I did them. I was literally a zombie. I was functioning with little sleep. When I was about to doze off, well Shobe was waking. It was really a big change of pace for me. I wasn’t used to waking up so often. The breastfeeding memories came coming back. I dreaded it – but welcomed it for the sake of Shobe. I wanted to spend time with the older kids but then I had to be with Shobe since I had a househelp crisis. I’m just very lucky to have Yaya B with us helping us in every way. I was very lucky too because my mom prepared all of my meals to keep up with my gelai and help me regain my strength. My body felt different from the moment I got home. While I was in the hospital, I was immobile, but when I got home – there was no excuse, no midwife to help me with my needs. It was all me now (when Shobe is with me) Well, yes – Yaya B is there to assist me, but she had other things to do – like clean the master’s room, cook and bring the kids to school. Although, we had another set of hands in the house – well, we needed to instruct every little detail which was getting tiring. We were so used to having helpers that knew what they needed to do. We were just very patient as we needed the extra help. Mabait naman, yun lang mabagal kumilos and walang kusa – something that isn’t very new with the current wave of household helpers. I must say, I’m very lucky that Shobe is an easy baby to care for. She’s a LOT different from the first two. Well, maybe because Shobe is the third and we’ve somehow learned the grove of having a baby around. Maybe that’s the reason too. But seriously, Shobe is a wonder – I must say, I attribute this to the Babyplus System. It’s really genius, I was skeptical at first, but know I’m a believer (that entails a separate post in this blog) You see, Shobe is three months old – and I must say, my life is not the same. It has changed so significantly that I yearn at times to go back to where I was. I’m currently having household help issues again and I get stressed thinking about it. I needed to go back to picking up Connor from school because the driver is not available anymore. Top it with breastfeeding and pumping out milk. It’s chaos to be honest and I am amazed that I am still keeping it together. There are dark moments when I feel sad, lonely and alone. As much as I want to have quiet time and me time, I also need to consider how Yaya B is. I don’t like her to feel burnt out too. We have managed to keep things in order the best way we can. We have decided to forego the make sure everything is spotless clean in the house. There was a time she needed a break and I of course allowed her to go home to celebrate her son’s birthday and we managed everything sans Yaya B. The kids were so happy to see her back, I was happy to see her back. My body is so different now. I easily feel tired. My back aches when I bend to change Shobe’s nappies. I have sudden bouts of headaches. I experiance random body pains. I feel dehydrated even if I consume so much water (that I need to go pee so many times a day) My walk is not the same too, I limp. Well, I think I limp. I have sciatica now and is unable to sit for a long time. When I lie on my left side, my but becomes sore and numbs. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. My hair has been falling off exponentially and I am very very very concerned and conscious that one day, I’ll be partially bald! My hairline has already moved back and it’s a source of sadness for me. The white hairs, I have come to accept but the falling hair and balding, well – that’s something that really saddens me. So many changes really and I’m trying my best to keep it together. You can see with this post that my thoughts are all over the place. I was thinking of writing everything in one post – but the storyteller in me needs to separate them. Anyway, I’m sure I’ll be posting more about this topic soon. My Macbook’s battery is back in business so for sure I’ll be writing more often. May I just say. Thank you for reading through this post. As a thank you for reading this post. I’d like to do a giveaway – a bar of Perla Blue! Just leave your name and vaild email address on the comment section and I’ll check back in a week’s time to pick a winner. I’ll be using random.org to choose a winner. This is open to anyone who has a Metro Manila address so I can ship this to you. You can earn a bonus entry if you can share this blogpost to your social media pages, just make sure to add the url of your share on the comment section. Thank you again!!