Letting go – slowly.

Kailee is now 7, she’s in Grade 2 and my heart breaks a little.  I think it’ll break more as the years pass.  Every morning, I wake up and bring her to school, I have been doing this for the past two years – this year is my 3rd year.  This year is different as I am the one who wakes her up and dresses her in the morning.  I know it’s just been just a few days of school – but it’s something I look forward to.  Maybe because I am pregnant and sleep is a bit disrupted – I tend to wake earlier than usual but it’s a welcome change since I get to spend this time with Kailee. Every morning for the past few days, we walk to her gate.  The walk is a bit longer than what we usually do for the past 2 years – but it’s still okay.  I let her pull her stroller bag because I need her to know and feel that it’s her bag and not mine (I just hold her lunch box for her).  When she enters her gate and taps in her ID – I can’t help but have this proud feeling in my heart that she is doing okay.  But this morning, I felt a pinch in my heart – I felt sad and proud at the same time.  She was independently pulling her bag and walking to her room.  She had this confidence in her and a smile that tells me everything is okay.  But I am not okay.  I am having a hard time letting go. As I type this, I have tears welling in my eyes.  Haha!  Pregnancy hormones!  I can’t explain it, but it hurts – but I know it’s something that I need to deal with as the years will come.  It doesn’t get easier.  I remember an elder telling me that time flies by more quick when they start school – and it’s true!  I can’t seem to hold on to them and shield them from whatever – but I need to try because it’s the only way for them to learn and grow. Wish me luck guys. Wish me luck.