Two of the most contradicting of words.
Why do they always go together?
Why are they exact opposites?
You see, I love my mom, my twin, my Panget, my friends and some other people so much but sometimes – I want to wring all their necks till they turn blue!
I wonder – why does one ever feel the hate and anger towards people they love?
Isn’t it ironic?
Now that I’m nearing my big day.. Emotions are high, I’ve become easily irritable. I snap at the littlest of things. I feel the pressure. What then was not discussed is now being discussed. What was deemed simple then is now the most complicated!
There are times that I feel that – this is not my big day. Almost everyone has an opinion on something. Things that should be done by others are often times dumped into my lap – and I am expected to give a solution or a reply or even a decision, but take note! That decision will soon be overturned – so why in the effing first place ask me about it, right? There are moments that I feel suffocated – times that I feel like I’m drowning with something I can’t explain – that I need to jump for air! There are times when I think – is this all going to be worth it? Sigh..
I feel like I’m on an unending rollercoaster, going up and down – twisting and turning every so often without taking a break. Do you sometimes feel like puking with the pressure of emotions? Hahaha!! I never thought I’d get to this point, really. I always thought that planning a wedding was a breeze and that the journey was a happy enjoyable one. At this point, when people ask me how my planning is coming along – I try not to burst into tears – give out a Kodak smile and say that its getting there.
I also realized that people aren’t that helpful (or bright even!) That I have to ask for help for it to come. That there is really a difference between peoples.
The journey is about to end. I’ve found new friends, made new realizations, accepted many situations, sought a blind eye, pretended not to hear or know, ignored comments and tactless gestures.
Question is… Will there ever be an end to this?
P.S. Sorry for the post, I just needed to get it all out. I needed a release! It’s been building up inside and I’m afraid to breakdown. But I feel I may have to, just to get this all out.
I miss blogging.. Hahaha!! (what an ender… toink!)