I was raised Catholic, went to a Catholic all-girls school, and attended a Catholic University (I think?) Having said that – since it’s the Holy Week, I guess this particular entry is timely – for me that is!! 🙂
Just yesterday afternoon, I had a misunderstanding with her. She called me a few times on my mobile with a raised voice asking me questions. It’s quite a norm already but I can’t seem to make myself numb to it. Anyways, when I got back to the office – it was when it all started.
Acutally, I think it was nearing 10pm that I realized how much she loves me, that despite my shortcomings, imperfections and mistakes – she loves me still. And there is no question on how much, because she just does! I never thought I’d be witness to a thing such as ‘unconditional love’ – a love that is willing to see passed mistakes, a love that forgives and hopes for the best, a love that will forever be there for you when everyone is not.
Come to think of it – this epiphany is so timely – since it’s the Holy Week – I suddenly realized that like Jesus – who died for us – loves us unconditionally despite our continous effort to sin and be away from Him. This is such a big thing to say for me as I am not a devout Catholic. I now realize that there are people, beings out there who love me unconditionally – and she is one of them. After realizing this – I filled up with guilt – yes, guilt – and regret. How dare I think of her badly? How dare I question her love for me? How dare I feel anger towards her? How dare I dare feel these things?
Now that I’ve realized it, I regret not having to spend quality time with her. I regret every moment that I turned her down for an invitation to go out of town. I regret being angry at her. I regret raising my voice at her. I regret not following her. I regret everything negative thought I had of her. I regret not showing her how much I appreciate her and love her, of how proud I am that she is so strong, how I appreciate that she stuck it through every bump, how I truly love her.
I hate the feeling of being unappreciated – I’ve just come to realize that on my part – I choose the things I do to be appreciated – while she, she doesn’t – she just does everything without expecting to be appreciated. That’s unconditional love. That’s what I have. A person who loves me unconditionally. I am so lucky to have her. Yes – so lucky!
It’s just so sad to have realized this just now – I’m such a nincompoop! Argh!!!! But this, this changes everything. This has changed me – to someone who will appreciate and love her more. She deserves it! After all – she gave me life!
