People have a lot of issues – and I am one of them. There are days that I feel happy and some days I feel like I’m so worthless. Am I crazy? Well, I guess a little bit – isn’t everyone? My friends tell me this feeling is the ‘BURNT OUT’ feeling – I ask them how they know – they reply with ‘Parang ganyan ang burn out eh!’ How come I didn’t see it coming?
I feel pressured – not because I am being pressured but because of the things I feel that I need to do since I’m the eldest (daughter). I need to be responsible enough, good enough, organized enough – that sometimes – it’s so tiring. Why can’t the other be more responsible? Why do I need to worry about him? The answer – because I’m his elder sister – and I can’t help but feel responsible, I spoil him at times – but where do I draw the line? I’m just a sister, not a parent. Do you get my drift? I feel like it’s a lost cause, but the thing that I hate most is that – the fact that I can’t get over it! Argh… I hate the feeling!! Dammit!
There are days I wake up happy – then there are days I wake up feeling sad or that the day will go bad one way or another. As a result – I’ve started praying whenever I wake up – and it helps – for some reason – it helps me a lot! I never thought that I’d be like this ‘prayerful’ I never expected it to happen, it just did. I’m what you call – Catholic-following person – I pray, I admit I’m Catholic – but I seldom go to Mass. I feel that one should go to Mass wholeheartedly – and not because you need to. Whenever I go to Mass – I see people sleeping, chatting and not listening – what’s the point? You want God to see you present? WTF right?! But, let’s not get too much into that topic – that’s another good blog entry – hehehe!! Anyways, I learned from watching PBBCE (Pinoy Big Brother Celebrity Edition) thru Coney Reyes – she mentioned that every morning before her day starts – she prays ‘Please give me strength, and all that I need to get through the day’ – I have been doing this everyday – and the result – I’ve become more peaceful somehow.
Praying and prayers help. They help a lot! 🙂